Of Love and Of Hate

As you catch hold of your bestie to cross the road, you could see a couple crossing the road hands in hand. First thing that crosses your mind  - 'How cute is that' n there is a name crossing your mind, whose just a smile can make your day, an eye contact with whom could make you shy, someone u would run to with butterflies in your stomach and your eyes speaking it all ,'you have strummed the strings of heart', an enclave you would surrender to peacefully. 

Sometimes in life you find a friend; someone who changes your life just by being part of it. Someone who makes you laugh until you can’t stop and at times when you dont want to smile at all; someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world; someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just waiting for you to open it.Someone you could talk to endlessly w/o getting bored or for that matter you could even communicate through silence. 

But there is a world far from whims and fancies, to break your innocent heart. Forever is a lie.You are unwanted. N then there is sudden transition from love to hate, from friendship to viciousness,break your castle into pieces.There would be times when you would think about him,but there is a difference now, no more of the innocent sweet feelings, a blatant void feeling replaces it. N u would think where did all the beautiful feelings get lost. N u have no reply...was this the same person who made my day after a hectic schedule screwed by your Team Lead, washed away all your bruises with just a smile.. 

No one falls in love by choice, it is by chance. No one stays in love by chance, it is by work. And no one falls out of love by chance it is by choice. This is what a heart takes so much to take in.

So the thought of 'how cute is that' (with reference to the first para) eventually gets replaced by a smile with a remorse feeling of failure to forget..

A little love and a lot of MISUNDERSTANDINGS

Gone are the days when a certain Jack and a certain Jill used to be friends...I used to watch both of them play together, one would not go to school without the other, roar up with boisterous laughter at times, pull at each others hair, play pranks on the neighbours window glass pane together.Thunder would befall when one would be envious of the other but then candid it was. Like the smell of the rain on dry land, all the rash feelings would wash away without even a hear and say about any kinda explanations. Reminds me of the lovely Dairy Milk add where a guy and a gurl share a Cadbury , laughing and smiling like idiots, licking the cadbury all the way to their hearts content.  That was a totally gleeful moment depicted.

Yes , those days are gone. Once a person crosses those days he really has to think a zillion times. Most often the people whom he expects to understand him, fails to do so. Ego clashes also come in. Life would have been so easy had there been no ego clashes, no need to ask and give explanations for a deed , just a mere smile and back to old track again. So difficult to accept someone with open arms when we grow up without asking for a justification?   But hardly such idealistic thoughts can sustain. Here comes in Mr. Misunderstandings to play his role to grow the distances. Mr Misunderstandings is the third person who is the most beneficiary of all .  Mr Anger is one of his accomplice. Both of them jealous of pretty, simple, beautiful life,  fill in their pockets to make it ugly, sulking and full of vice.  The other surprising facet which i have come across is that many people cannot digest jokes played on them while you are expected to understand when jokes are played on you. Half the time goes in to clarify which part was a joke and which part was not a joke. At the end, you feel depressed about being misunderstood. Even if you yell no one would bother about what you actually meant and what you actually did not mean. Justifications when fail lead to appraisal of Mr Misunderstandings and Mr. Anger. Finally you feel you are better left alone in a recluse mode when nothing works. Misunderstandings dont hurt but the sudden change from being a social animal to a recluse does. It feels strange for sometime and then like a crab you get used to your shell and later on you feel comfy only within the periphery of  your shell. A little learning is always dangerous and so is a little love for a little love always leads to a lot of Misunderstandings. 

D Solitary Reaper...

Its been a while I have been away from my blog treading on with the waves of life, collecting some shells by the shore...All this while I built some castles of sand which were swallowed away by the giant waves at the wink of an eye and i could do nothing but tread on...At this point i remember one of my favorite numbers from Avril, Nobody's Home:

What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems
Don't know where she belongs
Where she belongs

She wants to go home
But nobody's home
That's where she lies
Broken inside

Seen death from a close proximity on a pyre ready to set flames to the flesh n blood for eternity to succeed. Felt numb to think if its the ultimate truth, y should we keep running behind our ambitions, y it gets so difficult to utter a simple word like "sorry" sometimes,y cant v be like the kids who play, fight, forget and den back to being friends, y not be easy going , y frustration takes root in our hearts, y this comparison with the neighbors daughter/son who is earning more,  everyone has a weakness,a dark side , y extol d darker side to subjugate n make fun of someone while you hide your own weakness(s) , y it becomes so much important for us to wait for others to cover up the grueling distances n rather take d first step , y it becomes so difficult to forget a dream turned bad, y people tend to leave you alone when u r a failure, y cant people speak wt dey blv in .

Lot of y's i know...

 Lately somewhere I had found " Dont think You are the only one with all the problems, everyone has problems but they dont show it"  If we dont depict what really v r going through are we being Tough Matured ? Being grown ups mean you cant be yourself? You have to camouflage yourself with a fake smile? Y be robots to program n control our emotions, after all apart from flesh and blood emotions make up a life beautiful and hell as well.. Its like you meet a friend after a while , laugh, crack jokes, have a good time only to realize few days later perhaps that both are in the same boat...and d laughter, d jokes , d seemingly cool happiness is not d reality, just a mask..you think your friend is really lucky to have such a cool life with everything apparently falling into place , just perfect as she had planned and your friend thinks d same for you but reality speaks something else..both in the same boat..afraid to voice their state of mind, in d fear of being called emotionally weak...such a miserable state.. If with so much of formal education one cant find words to express oneself wts d worth of education even...

                                                                                                                                                                   

Sometimes you find indulging yourself in being an escapist...but wts wrong in being an escapist to find regain d petty morsel of saffron strength n courage you had lost after a battle to rekindle your yearning for your dreams and aspirations..wts wrong in wishful thinking if it takes care of your bruises and brings a smile on your face ...makes you happy until you find yourself strong enough to wake up n find yourself perfectly alright to struggle again...Whats the use of good memories if dey cant help you survive ur bad times like a dream..Had been a solitary reaper and talking to myself in times of solitude. reaping the good old memories At tyms I find myself stupid,smiling like an idiot and at tyms too blank even to depict ....I dnt find it any wrong to be happy in whichever mode you want to be when people around you become insensitive to you and you are a non existing entity of meager importance...Afterall we get only one life to live ...In the words of a poet, "Everything that takes life and root from earth shall return back to dust"

The end of a Beautiful Journey...

Its already 10th today, only a handful of days left for college to get over....to estrange these familiar roads which were strangers once upon a time.. TU was a refugee home for me for a year, for i had planned to give in my 100 percent to get into a better college next time..luck didn"t favor me tho n i was handed a lollipop for all my hardwork and dedication i had put in...felt frustrated and caged for a while, had no options..but i learnt to make the most of whatever life hands me to make it beautiful rather than pinning for my ambitions...i had struggling for a while to recollect all the bygone memories of the past four years..some sweet, some nightmares...i learnt to balance and control my emotions, to fight for myself, to care for the relationships, to seek the right, and above all to stand by my convictions, bold and brave , come what may...

Thanks TU for making me what i am today from the raw "me"..came here as a teenager, love this place for it had given me memories...memories which i can look back and laugh for a while..

  I walk a lonely road.....I'm gonna leave these roads soon to explore new ones...there"s a fear in my heart but moving on is what life teaches us..i remember walking on these roads with my friends abound, getting irritated by the stray dogs chasing us, cracking jokes and bursting out into laughter...my legs would pain the next day when i would wake up in the morning, and then i'd realize how much , rather how many kilometers i had walked in the shades of these trees.. sometimes i would feel lucky to see the himalayas(as seen in this pic)..as though it  were a neighbor..

Thats the night life of TU, to be precise TU under the lights.. i would miss the ambiance of these lights, while going to daju out of hunger pangs for the evening snacks and observe how many varieties of insects hovered in and around the lights....nevertheless the cheering and excitement during the games , cricket, football , volley ball , basketball.... and the victory in these games would add a zing to the merriment in our hearts for the parties and celebrations awaiting....

Spring at TU is always special.. i luvd and would miss these scene which would fill my heart with happiness..

TU had given me friends and memories which were missing in my life… The scenario is totally different at the hostel than home, at home you could have or do anything you wished to but no more in hostel.. 

I had been the only person who had experienced so many newbies in my room..Human nature is truly difficult to comprehend..i gave up literally after trying to adjust and giving enough space to many of my rummates , so much so that they could dance on my head and bitch about me behind my back…i remember I used to study in the light of my laptop so that my rummates could sleep peacefully but no more now…I cant even tolerate suffering or even compromising for people whom I don’t even know properly just for the matter of sharing a room..

I had been the person who had been to health center falling sick most often (after bijaylakshmi though  hahaha..)..and all my friends would come to my aid to rush me through to health center in the ambulance , acting as my mom and dad, many a times.. scolding me for trying to avoid the saline … “ bari ho gayi ho abhi, saline lene se mar nahi jaogi ”

Had I not come to TU , I wont have known that I blabber a lot in my dreams, so much so that  my friends avoided waking me up for dinner being afraid of the strange words that I utter..

It was a silent feeling of growing up amidst people of my age who were far more matured than me, I personally felt I should start solving my problems on my own rather than discussing with my parents for a solution. I learnt taking decisions on my own, handling my pocket money ,  balancing between fun and studies , learning to handle and give time to relations …

Life would have been dull at TU without these people whom I have met…people I would always have a soft corner for, and remember and laugh at the memories when I grow old…

So, meet the most consistent friend of mine , Prativa Bawri….no she isn’t bawri , dts her surname..

     She was a sissy the first time I met her, so timid even to reply her name when asked…but in due course of time she seemed to be a stress buster for me with any kind of problem.. yes, she has a jhatpat solution for any kind of problem, dts y she is d A.P. of our hostel..thanx for saving our ass from attendance stuff… yay! She is an all rounder, whatever she does she does with full dedication . was my neighbor for two hours , I would peek into her room often and we would chat , gossip, study before exams 2gedr..a shopaholic, she is my chief advisor for my wardrobe collection.. so much v had shared..  I remember someone asked me in the first sem  with whom I felt I shared a bond , n I replied its prativa ….n am glad that ds feeling is still the same  and this bond getting stronger and more intact while leaving TU.. thanks a lot for being there..always..

The next sissy of my hostel is none other than...

Yes, ..dipika!!

My earliest memories remind me that she used to cry missing her mom and old friends.. aww, but nevertheless she could et hyper when necessary , but surprisingly even in anger she never got rude rather she would CRY!!.. hahaha.. She would dance  like a kid to all the tunes, play and pamper her pinkly teddy, but she would also shower her  word of wisdom when necessary… she luvs anything green , and not to forget the way she could pose before the cam…luv you..kiddo..

Tema! That’s neelam wherever you hear that word in the corridors of our hostel.. haha.. was my dorm roommate, one of the most jolly person”s I had ever seen.. she would sing , dance , play games …anything..laugh to her hearts content, literally roar..with her eyes getting skimmed while laughing... talk loudly over the fone.. if ever u get to watch a muvi with her watch her face too, u wd get to see so many expressions on her face, signifying that she is totally engrossed in the movie.. totally bindaas , cool n talented ..dts how I define her , always be the same

Next its Lily…

Both of us started with some rifts , which later disappeared.. I remember her loking the door of the dorm rum while I ws at prativa”s room..but then her pretty smile (all 32 out..:P)  and gestures befriended me.. I will always remember the way she took pains to make us all get ready for the farewell session with the formal wear , mekhela chadars.. straitforward wth a sweet temperament.. miss btech when we were freshers..not only this she is too good as a cook, anything it may be..i remember the meal at her home, delicious and yummy.. umm muh me pani aa gaya.. :) 

thanx a lot for the treat..will miss you..

Bijaylakshmi,                 

The geek and the nerd..always engraved in between books, her bed full of books , she would sleep amidst them and wake up amidst them..  so sincere she is dt for working hard she paid by getting sick .. :P…deep in sleep with books in her hands, when someone woke her up “ bijay  its dinner time, wake up!” she would reply “im not sleeping , im thinking something”… haha.. remember her dance like crazy…with no coordination of hands and legs…singing jana gana for the intro sessions..i  have faint memories of both her and shikha trying to ride a cycle in the 1^st sem and both falling from the cycle with a thud…never give up, n gud luck with ur ambitions..

Shikha:

She is I guess the thanda thanda girl of our hostel, innocent and soft spoken with a lovely voice.she was the boxing girl of our batch in the hostel..due to her height ...belongs to my neighbor wing , would occasionally pass by my door and say a hie..make tea every day when she gets time.. wish u success in everything u do..

Amrita:

A total crackpot, laughs a lot for even silly reasons.. happy go lucky..girl b d same always..

Poonam and Pankaj:

Both these guys belong to the same lab as that of mine.. had a good time with you guys teasing each other, playing games on facebook, sending and receiving gifts … on facebook tho.. haha..

I remember  calling up pankaj for doubts in discrete mahs and DAA..havent seen a guy who dsnt study  before exams , goes into the exam hall and boom.. gets a baffling high score..secret : “he  

never bunks any class and pays full attention in the class”... oh n how can I forget, how he used to ask me after my xams in the first sem “ aaj exam kaisa hua?”.. and like a mama”s boy he would carry his tiffin of delightful lunch to college.. haha..

Poonam , I would always remember you as the” bottle girl”..carrying bottles and bottles to fill in with water, getting scolded in jadoo”s lab for being late always even though there were other girls who followed the same trend..i wd always remember your latke jhatke”s to the song  “maiyya maiyya”..and ofcourse ur craze for the chilly flavor of anything be it chicken or magi.. haha.. and ofcourse , I would remember ur transition from 

salwars to kurtas to jeans.. hope to see u in skirts some day soon :P… b happy always..

Saurabh Kumar Karn:

3^rd sem food mela, I met a guy, I thot y dd nasheem change his hairstyle.. only to know later that its not nasheem but  Saurabh kumar karn, he had been a real good friend to know..and treasure.. any problem, and he is just a call away.. extremely caring n talented.. thanx for buying me the pens before my exams from the amenity , giving me a lift to the SOE when I was getting late for classes..thanx for all the small things you endured for me , it matters a lot to me.. I personally feel sorry cz I wasn’t dre by ur side when I shd have been at times..but u r too good n I know ull forgive me.. wont talk much of dis guy cz he has so many talents , be it oratory skills , or winning a robotics event.. coming up with new ideas .. wish you a very bright future ahead with loads of happiness and always remember me….

Bhadreshwar:

He is 99% bhadra , has a nick name of ‘handsome guy’… thinks he is dhuniya dekhibo and laughs away, he likes to click fotos of his own, … haha..joking…but infact many girls in this campus  are after him.. lol…:P.. he is a good person I know, good at heart , stingy in spending money though, mindless to expect treats from him..the day he wd invite you even for a coffee , dt wd b ur lucky day.. always smiling but angry man and impulsive at times…there were many a times we fought but thankfully we are still friends inspite of fights..haha.. he is lean n tall guy..so tall I always used to envy but not until I saw him travelling in a bus bending all the way, avoiding getting bumped by the ceiling of the bus on his head ..:P..difficult to find a friend like him…thanx for all the support!!

Rohit and Soma:

          Bander ko mil gaya mitha angur!! Haha.. monkey man alias rohit and sweet pea soma, cute friends of mine.. rohit, superb in managing everything, literally he is a disciple of rajnikanth  I guess..haha.. too good a cook, a good manager, administrator,..footballer n wt not..!! I salute you man…soma, a sweet mild and sober person as I have always seen..may u get all that u wish and dream of…

BoYzOne:

Boyzone that’s not the famous music band, but the name coined to the team formed by my  lab partners ,I had initially .. suranjan, kozy, nasheem, rhitwik,and me….i happened to be the only girl in the group..so, kozy had coined this term “boyzone ”  with the thought in mind that my tantrums , which he had faced were more than that of guys.. haha.. rhitwik was d fast guy, whom I wd always ask for sympathy n help me pass my electrical workshop…kozy would be d one to sing songs even in the electronics lab…n make cartoons out f evry1 in d class….and make the lab  a total fun, he is also too eager to try his hand in entrepreneurship  upon a momo ghar!!....suranjan, suru was the guy always done with the reports of the lab n graphs.. I used to borrow his reports and graphs before submission...n dn dre were times when he would advise me whenever I needed his help..thanx!! and the last but not the least nasheem, the badulee .. .. he blames me for leaving cse with my tantrums and joininh mechanical…:P…nevertheless , he always greets me as hs x lab partner..i remember once during an interview nasheem talking about himself as a talkative fella, ya definitely he is!! Nonstop bakwaas..but with a jolly attitude…anyways good luck to you guys.. hope you rock always.. 

Anupam and nitesh:

  I had seen these friendship grow from a long time, nitesh and anupam IIT, IIM always together whatever it may be.. nitesh , I wd miss him throwing amazing dialogues in a funny tone..and the seventh sem exams all through his head turned 180 degree…haha..anupam, I luvd his fom presentations, so  smooth without any verbal ticks..i envy u ..!! all the time he wd envy me for enjoying my ride in the campus  at the back seat of my cycle.., I remember teasing both of them “itna pyar kaha dekhne milega” hahaha..wish u the best of the best for your future..

Neelam, Tinku and Manash:

 These were some of the guys, I  got to know little but  whenever I would meet them we would crack jokes and laugh.. thanks a lot for those sweet memories..

hope that our paths cross again n again.. till den cheers to TU!!!

Archipelago oF Gossipzzz........a PRELUDE!

Well, people .....wat do u do in ur leisure? Ask some gurls...esp...n dy'll tell u ,
1.hanging out wth frens
2. shopping
3. watching tv soaps....d saas bahu ones..
4....
5...

n d list never ends...

but hardly will u find someone who'll admit dt their favourite past time is gossipping.......talking shit about people whom they have a strong antipathy for, a kind of activity which is done dilligently to derive pleasure n peace to soul (ahh, ab man ko shaanti mila!!!) i can guarantee dre cant b a single soul who dsnt indulge in gossips...students, teachers, parents ....evryone....even i admit wastng a lot of tym over gossips..n u wnt blv d tym span of gossipin' .....now if we closely take into consideartion why do we luv gossipping so mch...we can ponder over some of the funny but crius aspects of d human nature....First of all, human nature is abound wth jealousy.....jealousy of gud luks, power,money,brain....smethng which we dnt possess and we tend to ...."dekho dekho , wat a show off!!"...People may not reveal their darkest secrets but yep, its true competition also leads to such defaming work, passing slanderous remarks to win over.....gossips serve as ambrosia for some people who just need a medium to vent out their pent-up feelings for someone....n get restored to a normal B.P....lol!! Many indulge in gossips because they have nothing else to do and they love the spice....Iv seen many people who never even read the daily newspaper but when it cums to wailing and pucking out facts ,facts about which neither they are sure of...they can be awarded the gossip oscar award...But many a times it happens unintentionally too...Many a times it starts as a constructive thing....sharing of feelings when someone is low, hurt by someone...and ends up in a gossip....Nvertheless, the inquisitiveness of human mind , its ability to process information and deduce new information from it,its rationality mst of all...makes a fool out of it..n contributes to this gossip thing...no1 can stay aloof from a conversation which starts in a "GUESS! WTS D HOT NEWS!!"...Our brains start churning and we tend to think , wat is it about on earth? M i goin to be in d NEWS fr sm reason?? no one can stay calm in sch an intense second....and dt is just where the mind takes its pace for the convesation ahead and ppl keep on adding from the archives of their memory.......Human mind, cant help!!

.....luv u guys......

ExPeCTaTionSSsszzzzzZZZ!!!

Lately i have discovered that something that bugs u , bogs you down umpteen no of tyms is expectations......Go anywhere , look for anyone who doesnt expect something from you....and hardly will you find someone!!!!.....At home,your parents expect....at college ur teachers expect...at office your boss expects and if nothing at all even your frenzz expect.....yea, any relation that holds some bit of indepthness would definitely bring in expectations...all true.....but in CONTRAST i have realized that a relation becomes more enthralling when you dnt expect anything at all......u  get to see the real beauty when you aint garbled in chains...it perhaps seems uncanny but that cums up wth so mch of surprise packages dt sm1 is doing smthing for you outa his care for you ....that u aint forcing sumone 2 bargain his thoughts or compromise for you,anticipating a heated argument or so....yeah, dt is d moment wch wins over you ....we tend to get hurt cz we expect....needless to speak if we dnt expect, d rates of getting hurt definitly will go down...what better vaccination can we get against getting upset about anythng...and letting someone rob our peace of mind....!!!??